Depression and anxiety are real.

Those are the two things I deal with most.

My wife Lisa, has been dealing with mental health for as long as have known her and as much as I was by her side I didn't clearly understand what was going on.

Fast forwarding to the summer of 2019. Dealing with severe chronic pain for the last 2 years I sucked it up and visited my doctor. After numerous xrays and ultra sounds I was told I had arthritis in my hip and any sports and the job at the time, was pretty much out of the question. 

Sitting in my car after the appointment the only thoughts going through my head were what was my purpose in life? How was I going to provide for my family? Without sports, what I am even good at? My kids? How am I going to interact with them if not through play or sports?

Come October of that same year I took time off work due the pain which took me to a dark space. Not wanting to see friends. "Taking naps" to feel less embarrassed and not be the failure I thought I was in my family's eyes.


As these thoughts continued I started experiencing very odd chest pains. My heart pounding which led to only a couple hours of sleep on and off for weeks straight. If I fall asleep I'm not going to wake up. I want to see my kids grow up and be apart of everything they do. And my wife? Who is going to be by her side? Just some thoughts going through my head at the time.

I experienced my first panic attack about a month later.I was at a friends house. Us guys don't show emotions, right? I asked to have a shower hoping all of the feels would just go away. But they didn't. Again, thinking I was going to die. I literally sat in the bathroom in their basement crying, speed dialing my wife to come pick me up. Heading upstairs and tears had been wiped. "I'm not feeling good", I'm just going to take off".I'm a man. I show you nothing.
It was definitly something I had never felt before.
Two days later, my kids are in daycare, my wife is at work. I mowed lawn and what would you know, another attack. I was 100% sure I was having a heart attack. I called my wife at work begging her to come home. This lasted longer then the first. It felt like 4 bloody hours. No joke.
I ended up calling an ambulance. "This is it, I'm going to die".
I really didn't get any answers other than my heart and lungs were fine. 
Since starting Ear 2 Ear my depression has gotten better but as long as my chronic pain exsists, I don't think it will ever completely go away.
But I have found my new calling! Where it helps myself, others and bringing awareness to the ones who don't fully understand. 
My panic attacks are still on a regular and still have the thought that a heart attack is coming. This is something I work on daily with different methods I have learned along my journey. 
To this day I express my feelings (80% more) and let my two boys know that crying is okay. It's okay to be sad. And it's 100% okay to ask for help. 
I know I still have a long way to go. At 38 I'm still growing as a person.  I could go on and on about all of the experiences I have been through within the last 2-3 years. All I know I have an amazing support system within my family and community that helps me along.
I appreciate you all! You are not alone on this journey and I find talking and expressing about anything you are dealing with will not only help you but also bring up the conversation that needs to heard and talked about!
I thank you again!  
I am not the best at ending these bad boys. 
So peace & love! 
I hope we all cross paths one day!